Happy Homemaking & The Mother’s Dopamine Menu
This is for my fellow homemakers and mothers and homeschooling women. For the stay-at-home mom who is struggling but doesn’t know why, or doesn’t know where to even begin making changes. For the Christian wife who prays fervently for answers but ofen feels hollow. For the ones who feel guilty for even voicing discontent in the midst of so many blessings.
If you haven’t yet, you may want to read this article first: A Dopamine Detox for The Christian Mother & Homemaker
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What Is a Dopamine Menu?
A dopamine menu is a list of activities and habits that naturally lift your brain’s dopamine levels and restore joy, peace, and calm. Its purpose is simple: to replace draining habits with life-giving ones, encouraging the release of dopamine—the chemical linked to motivation, pleasure, and reward—through small, enjoyable practices woven into your daily life.
Think of it as the opposite of doomscrolling social media, lying in bed all day, dreading playtime with your children as you count down the minutes to bedtime, or impulsively buying things for a fleeting thrill.
Every dopamine menu is personal, because every woman’s needs are different. Yet there are activities that benefit almost everyone.
Why Homemakers Need One
If you feel constantly overwhelmed, quick to anger (especially toward your children or husband), unfocused, unmotivated, and stuck in monotony, you need a dopamine menu. It is not natural or healthy to live this way day after day, and it is not good for your family or for your long-term well-being.
The beauty of a dopamine menu is that it includes both quick, easy activities and deeper practices that require more time, effort, and focus.
Why am I writing this and why should you trust me?
From time to time, another mom will tell me that I seem to have it all together. That I seem to have so much energy and to be thriving in motherhood. Maybe it is something they see on Instagram, where photos and words can make life look calmer and tidier than it really is. Or it happens at the playground, when they see me laughing and running around with my kids, or sitting peacefully while they play happily on their own.
The truth is, I love motherhood so much and I am thriving—though my life and home is certainly far from perfect.
But it was not always this way.
I wish I could show those moms the version of me from years ago. I was overwhelmed, disorganized, quick to anger, and often unhappy. The change did not come overnight. It took small, deliberate steps and the decision to keep going even when it was hard. That is why I believe most women are already doing so much good, and why I know that with a few intentional shifts in habits and mindset, life can feel dramatically different.
One of the first things I did was create my own dopamine menu. It gave me a way to replace bad habits with better ones, to choose activities that lifted me up rather than drained me.
And I did this, as I will recommend you do, on paper with a pen. I kept it on my desk in the kitchen where I passed by often.
When I met my now-husband, I had no idea what I was doing.
And I am no saint.
Like most of us, I have had my share of the trappings and pains of modernity. It has been a hard climb to get where I am today, and even now, I wake up every day and make choices I do not always want to.
I had no idea how to keep a house. I was not taught, like so many women are not.
And I had no faith in anything higher than the disordered world I saw with my own eyes.
God? Some fairy tale that had once meant so much to me but been abandoned.
I longed to be a happy and cheerful wife and mother, a homemaker who saw and truly felt the deeper purpose of her daily tasks.
Modern Life and Lost Meaning
The truth is that so much of modern life feels pointless because so little of it has any sense of urgency.
When a homemaker’s tasks once included the very health, life, and death work of growing and preserving food—because otherwise there would be no food for the winter—it was easier to find meaning in the daily work, even though it was far harder than ours before modern conveniences and technology.
We also had faith and a deep sense of belonging in a community that shared our traditions and values.
I’m not suggesting that we give up plumbing and electricity. What I am saying is that there is no such thing as a strictly positive or even neutral result from any advancement. As our daily lives get easier, they also lose urgency and, in many ways, meaning. It’s a painful irony that easy things can feel so pointless and monotonous even though they are incredibly important and have implications that reach far into the future.
Building Your Own Dopamine Menu
I’ll start with some ideas and then show you how I actually use my dopamine menu daily.
A dopamine menu works best when it is simple, visible, and personal. The point is not to create another overwhelming to-do list but to give yourself an easy way to choose life-giving activities instead of slipping into habits that leave you drained.
Write your menu on paper with a pen. Keep it somewhere you pass by often, like in the kitchen, on your desk, or in a planner you actually open. Look at it daily and practice reaching for it in the moments when you feel restless, discouraged, or tempted toward things that don’t actually refresh you.
Here are some categories to get you started, and by the way, it is completely normal to hate the idea of doing any of these things, even the simple ones—that’s normal. Try to remember that motivation is useless, building habits requires discipline and it is perfectly okay to hate the thing that you are doing. The hatred will pass. If you’re having a dark day, just do the simplest and shortest tasks.
Quick Resets (1–5 minutes)
- Step outside for fresh air and sunshine
- Stretch or do a few deep breaths
- Splash cold water on your face
- Light a candle or incense
- Put on one favorite hymn or uplifting song
- Stay hydrated
- Treat yourself to a special coffee or dessert
Daily Joys (10–20 minutes)
- Read a few pages of a good book (Scripture, inspirational quotes, a daily devotional, a poem, a saint’s writings, or a favorite novel)
- Make a cup of tea or coffee and sit quietly to enjoy it
- Journal a few thoughts of gratitude or struggles
- Call or text a trusted friend
- Bake something simple (bread, muffins, cookies)
- Take a short walk with your children or alone if possible
- Put out a vase of fresh flowers
Deeper Practices (20+ minutes)
- Pray the Rosary or spend time in spiritual reading
- Work on a creative project (sewing, knitting, painting, writing)
- Prepare a nourishing meal from scratch
- Tend to your garden or houseplants
- Declutter and restore order to one small space
- Take the children to the park and truly play with them
Tips for Making It Your Own
- Keep your menu short at first—just 3–5 ideas per category.
- Choose things that genuinely lift you up, not things you think “should” be on there.
- Be willing to change your menu over time. What helps you in one season may not in another.
- Remember, this is not about perfection but direction—choosing the better thing when you can.
My Personal Dopamine Menu & Notes
Take inspiration from my daily routines. It can help you create your own.
A Productive & Personal Morning Routine
- I wake up first, before my husband and children for alone time.
- I do not look at my phone.
- I go downstairs and the first thing I do is step outside into the fresh air and sunshine to feel those things on my face.
- I make a cup of something hot: coffee, my hot milk drink (please make that recipe it’s so good), or tea (fresh ginger with honey and lemon is a favorite) to start.
- I read a daily devotional. I have several of these types of books, but my consistent favorite has been Every Day Light: Daily Inspirations. I found it in a thrift store for 50 cents.
- I take a bath or shower.
- I light a stick of Palo Santo wood and enjoy the scent.
- I smell some refreshing essential oil, rosemary and peppermint being my favorite. I like to do this throughout the day.
- I make something nourishing to eat for myself and family.
Daily Habits
- I complete my daily “big chore” and mark it off on my printed and laminated chore sheet. Check out my article on creating a home cleaning schedule. This was a huge win for me and one of the biggest and most positive changes I’ve ever made. I do not mince words when I say this is life-changing.
- Meal planning is the backbone of a healthy life. Check out Heritage Kitchen Revival, the digital meal planning tool I’m launching.
- I say a prayer with my children, one of the prayers we are working on memorizing.
- I pack my kids into the car and we go somewhere new—a new forest or nature trail is especially invigorating.
- In the winter, when my spirits can get low, I make a point to visit indoor gardens and conservatories, where it always looks and feels like summer.
- I bring all the creature comforts necessary to have a long and happy time at the playground with my children. I have a wagon that carries all of our things (including the children) comfortably, which then converts into a couch I can sit on while the kids go off to play. I bring snacks and drinks, books, a foot rest, a UV umbrella, even a portable fan for the summertime.
- I use my phone during designated times instead of picking it up to mindlessly scroll every time I’m bored. I don’t want my children growing up thinking this behavior is normal.
- I open my planner (can I sing the praises of this Catholic planner Fiat for a moment) and check for upcoming events, I make notes and plans.
- Spontaneous dance party with the children.
- I cannot recommend a pot of tea enough. I have tea parties with my children most days, and we use the good China.
- I go for a walk in my garden and pick whatever is ready to harvest. I think gardening must be the best hobby for mental health, while also being very practical.
- Walk barefoot in the grass.
- Take a bubble bath.
- Pick up a new hobby, or rediscover an old one, and set aside a little bit of time daily to work on it. For example, I would love to get back into embroidery.
- Scalp massage with some essential oil—great for the day you wash your hair.
The Bigger Picture
- Studying homeschooling styles and curricula.
- Making a list of wholesome classic books for your children’s library. This applies to movies and shows as well, since today you can’t always trust children’s entertainment to be good, appropriate, or moral. I’m a huge fan of the Charlotte Mason approach to literature.
- Maintaining a list of books I intend to read for the year (I aim to read or reread 4 books each month).
- Decluttering. Alongside a daily homemaking schedule, I firmly believe decluttering is the key to modern sanity in a world obsessed with things. Read my article on how to declutter your home using my zone system which I think is the easiest and most effective way, especially if the thought of decluttering is so overwhelming you can never seem to actually start.
- Make a plan for spring cleaning and fall cleaning. I have an article on semi-annual deep cleaning that delves into this topic.
- Rotating toys and books and seasonal things.
- Related to above, but it feels so good to put away things and bring out “new but old” seasonal books and home decor.
- Liturgical living. This has been a revelation to me as a mother and a big part of how I keep God and faith in my home. We are blessed to have a Church that is steeped in thousands of years of tradition.
- Seasonal Living: I thrive on my routines, but those routines are seasonal! Children are also seasonal in their activities. We plan to homeschool year-round, but in the summer, we wish to alternate between week-long day camps and continuing the homeschool year. This way, everyone gets a solid break and some novelty, but learning is not interrupted.
- Plan a vacation and figure out how to save for it.
- Treat yourself to something new: a professional house cleaning, a massage, or a date night at a very special location.
A dopamine menu will not fix everything overnight, but it will give you a gentle, daily way to turn your heart and mind toward joy and meaning again. Small choices, repeated often, can transform not only your own spirit but the entire atmosphere of your home. Do not compare yourself or your progress to others, we are all on our own journey.
